How are you, really?
I know this is kinda random but I wanted to reach out after coming across some heart-breaking news:
I hope you’re doing well.
I’m not a fan of starting emails with this phrase, both in sender and recipient perspectives. I think we’ve had overused it to the point it makes us no longer sound sincere but quite the opposite. Yet here I am, sending the exact phrase to you. I hope you understand that I do really mean it when saying it.
I guess I have a knack for running into heart breaking news, ’cause 11 out of 10 times I try browsing something fresh to read when I have a moment to spare for myself (in fact I have a ton! I just like the idea of making myself look like a busy business woman. It sounds fancy, ya know?). Anyway, my point is, that’s how I met the following stats as an attempt to find some light entertainment.
From 2003 to 2020:
- Social isolation up 24 hours per month
- Household family social engagement down 5 hours per month
- Companionship down 14 hours per month
- Social engagement with friends down 20 hours per month
- Non-household family social engagement down 6.5 hours per month
- Social engagement with others down 10 hours per month.
While I anticipated loneliness is nothing good for our well-being, these stats still shook me. How must lonely have our families, friends, neighbors, and ourselves felt?
Loneliness is dangerous.
Poor social relationships and social isolation can increase 29% of our chance to get heart disease and a 32% to stroke.
They could up the risk of developing dementia by 50% in older adults.
For the important men in our lives, the probability of them dying by suicide more than doubled when they live alone.
For our our cherished women, loneliness is significantly associated with their hospitalization for self-harm.
A study shows that using social media for more than two hours a day has about double the chance of feeling social isolated compared to those who uses social media for less than 30 minutes per day.
On the other hand, data across 148 studies, with an average of 7.5 years of follow-up, suggest that social connection increases the odds of survival by 50%.
So, what can we do to protect ourselves from loneliness?
While it’s great to seek help from other sources, I’d like to focus this post on what we can control. The more practical it is, the better. Here are what I have thought of, let me know if you have any more to share. It’d help and mean a lot to me and other people who are in need of some companies.
- Take time each day to reach out to a friend or family member. Having people who genuinely care about us is a privilege, but I realize that sometimes we often take them for granted.
- Set some rules to minimize distractions when you are in quality time with others. Something like a “no phone” policy during family time or plan a weekly picnic without internet can be a good start.
- Aim to help at least one person every day. That person can be your family members, your colleagues, friends, neighbors, strangers, or even yourself. Disclaimer: I’m no saint! But my experience tells me that the more willing I am to help others, the better chance I get help in return, and the better I feel about myself and the world.
- Don’t hesitate to seek help when you’re going through tough times. People can’t help if they don’t know you’re struggling. I’ve been there. I remember keeping things to myself, growing anxious, and ending up worrying those I love. I was very silly back then. So, don’t be like that past-me.
- Set timer to manage your time using social media. Start small and gradually adjust as needed.
- Dedicate time for self-reflection. I often spend 15 minutes before bedtime journaling about everything I’ve accomplished during the day, no matter how small, and the people I’m thankful for. Writing these thoughts down and revisiting them reminds me that for every negative encounter in the world, there are countless good individuals willing to lend a hand.
And…imagine if people actually spoke like this face to face. The world would be a much better place for all of us.
Wait! Check out this Youtube channel as well before you go. You won’t disappoint.
Credit: Photo by Porapak Apichodilok
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